ENVISIONS of ESAUREN ENTERPRISES        Gloria R. Hartwell C.E.O - Ministry Through Counseling Therapy and The Written Word
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Is Love Overrated?

Love, is it overrated? 
Two years ago, I stated “I would fall in love again.” As a widow of several years, I thought it would be a nice thing and believed my heart was open to receive love again.  But love has yet to come.  Actually, I don’t know what it would look like.  Having lived a single life for many years, I don’t desire to share my living space and I’m quite protective of my time.  I’ve done so much soul work or so I think, that I run at the slightest whiff or hint of an unhealthy relationship (my definition of course).  I’m not interested in being married again.  I don’t think I have what it takes nor do I have the desire to invest the time or energy into the work that marriage requires.  This too, is the reason, I won’t get a pet (LOL!). I love doing as I please, without having to check in or consider anyone else in my decision making.  I know this sounds selfish, but I’ve discovered that many single men and women feel the same way.  I also believe that it’s unnatural for men and women not to be mated and I believe that God never intended for us to live with this large chasm between us.  Then there’s the issue of sexual health.  Just as it’s unnatural to be without a mate, it’s also unnatural and unhealthy to go without sex indefinitely.  So I often wonder, as pointed out earlier, what does falling in love look like, for a woman in particular, when she doesn’t want to be married and needs to remain in a state of celibacy because of her spiritual and moral convictions.  I would like to hear what others think about this.  Let me hear from you.
Living Well, Joyful and Free!

5 Comments to Is Love Overrated?:

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sageincali on Monday, April 11, 2011 3:24 PM
Greetings my sister and friend Esauren (aka, Sissy2me). Wow, it is sooooo.... good to hear from a sister who can admit that the marriage thing may not be for everybody at every time. Having been married and widowed, remarried and now divorced... I can tell you that I know it ain't, for me . There is simply no room or time for me to do that kind of work any longer. My season for sharing my life inside the place of a marriage relationship is way over. And let's be honest.... the s;;t is way over rated! For those of us who value solitude and do not fear time alone with ourselves, being married can prove to be quite stifling to your creativity and personal development; particularly when the individual is not of like mind. We can all call to mind some sister somewhere who is living in some serious denial about the real state of her "supposed marriage to someone who has little to no clue about real partnership. The realities of marriage ( which manifest pretty quickly after the exchanges at the alter) require a measure of accountability that I have no desire to adhere to at this season of my life... Life is good as a single mature woman and to be fair to my younger never married sisters, Let me say that I understand your desire which is legitimate for you. I feel for you cause the landscape is pretty barren to be staight up! that is if you want a healthy relationship. So SISTER ESAUREN., you go girl with your bad self! cause it is all about doin' you to the best of your ability!! Peace, sageincali
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Esauren on Monday, April 11, 2011 3:47 PM
What a loaded and very thought provoking comment. Your points are so well taken. I sense that you are indeed a mature woman. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to your thoughts on future blogs. You Rock Sage!

Tangie on Monday, April 11, 2011 7:51 PM
Cousin, I'm pretty sure that if something happened to husband(God forbid), I wouldn't be interested in marrying again. I feel that I have a great marriage, my husband really is my best friend. I also feel that this kind of relationship is given to us once in our lifetimes.
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Esauren on Monday, April 11, 2011 8:45 PM
Agreed, great marraiges coupled with true love and genuine friendship, I think, do come once in a life time and I'm grateful when they exist. My husband was my best friend as well. You have your reasons for not having an interest in remarrying if you found yourself where I now find myself (God forbid), but I wonder do you think you'd want intimacy again and as a God fearing and God loving woman, would you remarry for that reason or live without intimacy? I think these dialogues and discussions can be beneficial. I appreciate you and your support. God Bless!

Shakina on Thursday, April 14, 2011 1:28 PM
After 2 divorces, I am still a believer in love...however, I have been truly enjoying getting to know the real me. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that if that special man comes along he will have to have on a cape with a note from God letting me know that he's the one!!! LOL!!! As far as the physical aspect, at first I thought that I would be open to the new "friend with benefits" relationship, but I am not willing to give that part of myself without a real relationship. WOW!!! When did I grow up???...So as far as getting married just to have that part of the relationship...I'll pass. In my own personal opinion based on my own experiences, peace of mind has more value. Thanks for bringing this subject up. Putting my feelings out into the world and not just in my therapists office (for a co-pay) has helped me heal just a little bit more...
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